I remember a long ago friend speaking about initiation as walking through the fire till all the soft bits are burnt off. The purification of a habit or belief- of some outworn yet still clinging lived pattern- this process to become more conscious can feel like that fire.  Though I’d like to keep some of the ‘soft bits’ in the wake of it. LOL

For me, this walk has meant holding the paradoxes within myself- feminine/masculine, dependent/independent, ugly/beautiful, spiritual/physical, love/hate, judgemental/non-judgemental…. And giving them space to be.  Holding them both. To show me where I am on the line between, and where I could go.
Healing, I believe brings one to a threshold, a place where initiation to a new state of being can take place.  Back in January 2010,  I was lying on the step in front of this threshold. Literally, lying down on a step at Good Life Fitness of all places. Just waiting for a group exercise class to start. And suddenly I’m looking up into the eyes of a modern day Joan of Arc-burning eyes filled with visions- “You’re going to be going through an initiation.”
I glibly replied that this sounded great. 
 Seriously, this can’t be happening to me at Good Life Fitness?!  I signed a contract to just change my physical body….didn’t I ?
Joking aside, at the time the words did ring true to me, and I have total respect for the messenger. We since have participated together in Native healing sweats.  (In time I ‘ll back track to experiences of Native shamanic healing).
Since last January I’ve come now to believe that writing is my initiation. I feel like it is activating an aspect of myself that I have not lived out yet.  So I am in the fire, or perhaps the ocean.  Nebulous again.
The gain of a greater sense of who I am- the synergy created from a reconnection to my self- at a higher level with a greater internal balance is worth the ride.

Before I continue down the proverbial rabbit hole any further I have to admit that writing this blog has me feeling vulnerable, unbelievably so.  I understand that the drive that compels me to follow this form of expression is leading me to ask questions of myself.  What is this drive about? 

Right now I feel it is demanding me to define myself more, which can only be helpful as in the past I have tended to be a bit too nebulous.  “A bit”, is that being nebulous?! Aggghhhh.

Now I am reminded of a wonderful quote by Rilke:
” i beg you…to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. don’t search for the answers, which could not be given you now, because you would not be able to live them. and the point is, to live everything. live the questions now. perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without ever noticing it, live your way into the answer…”
Ok, so I let go of my hold on this root here to slide down into the darkness of the rabbit hole. In the darkness the word synergy flashes bright.  Synergy- the union of two or more principles, qualities that when combined, can create a greater whole. 
Synergy- why did I choose this word as the name for the healing work I give and receive? 
Long, convoluted story, so I imagine the words will come to me to give it shape, that definition that is being evoked by the blog master ( blog master- that inner task master in my head?)

While walking down the Danforth I came upon two identical sculptures that combined the head and upper body of a lion with the tail of a fish.  This brought to mind the alchemy of bringing polar opposites together to forge the inner gold of our highest Self.  The moment felt synchronous as I had just decided to name my work Synergy Healing.

 Walking contradiction that I can be, I have for many years been like a fish in a spiral swim, up and down into shallow and deeper waters.  Sometimes swimming can get exhausting, so I have learned to float.  Floating…… back crawl, breast stroke, treading water!…..floating again. 
 These times are intense and I am one traveller welcoming others to engage in a dialogue on healing.  So to avoid a continuous blog monologue I will at times interview others on- What are your healing experiences? What is healing? What heals?
 And other topics like Tesla sex (your best- electric- really none of my business- but sometimes its fun to swim in the undertow to see where it goes!)  
I joke, but we are so multi- faceted that what heals could fall into a wide range, from modalities specifically intended to heal like energy work or massage to the creative arts and sexual energy.  And so much more I imagine…..